Monday, 28 December 2015

Mom <3

A couple of months back, when the only thing in my mind and in the heads of people around me was our BABY, I got a text from my mom which read "Junju, feel like seeing you..will come over some time next month". It was just another text from mom and I casually replied but its later that I realised how much of an unknown joy it brought to me. Sometimes I feel with the birth of a "baby" happens the birth of a "mother" as well which most of us including the new mom herself, tend to forget. We do crave for all the pampering and love but somehow the mama instinct in us always prioritise our baby.
So coming back to my mom, whenever I read an article or when I hear people commenting negatively on working moms I could never relate to it. Though we grew up under a working mom there was not a time she wasn't available for us. Be it a small performance at school or parent-teacher meet or shopping or outdoor activity, mom was always there with us. Now when I look back I realise how much of an effort that would have taken, to leave us behind and go for work, pursue her PhD with the 2 of us very young, to put up with all the teenage drama and "new-mom" tantrums that I put her through! You have always had this power to read my mind.
Thanks for being there all the while, when I needed attention, when I wanted my space, when I wanted a shoulder to lean on, encouraging me with all the positive vibes. I'm sure my life would have been a lot more difficult without you around.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Dear New Generation Mom, You are doing it Right!

Many a times I feel mothers of this generation are looked upon as someone who doesn't really know how to look after a kid or at times people have this stereotypic thinking that younger generation women have more important things in life than family. I was exposed to this for the first time when I went for my ninth month check up and my gynec was discussing with the co-doctor "What do women do these days, they just sit and watch TV all day and never get tired of it". I was so shocked to hear that, especially because I was managing cooking and office work till I went to my native and till a week before I delivered our darling, I was working from home. I know there are so many women out there who manage household chores, office work, look after kids and indeed they are super moms. Then why do certain people only try to label new gen moms like they just don't do anything.
This really kept me thinking and I came up with a couple of points that reassured me that we are doing a great job.

Nuclear families - Multi tasking: Earlier it was mostly joint families and there were so many people in the house that work got divided among them but we being in the generation of nuclear families, are bound to more responsibilities like we have to balance home, job, kids all by ourselves. Indeed most of us have maids to do the cleaning but then that gives us a little more space to concentrate on other responsibilities.

Access to information: We have easy access to the world wide web and hence we really don't have to depend on people for advice. As for me babycenter is my bible to bringing up our son and whoever tries to correct me I always have a scientific explanation to why we are doing it that way.

We make them independent: What I learnt after becoming a mom is that freaking out for everything would only make things worse. The mommy instinct has always worked for me. Up to an extend, leave your baby to explore things on his own, they too need their "me-time." By doing so we are only encouraging them to learn things. I feel nuclear families bring up more independent kids as we try not to fuss them for every single thing, we give them their space (at times so that we will get that break too :)).

Change is mutual: Somehow it is like our baby changes a lot of our behaviour than we changing theirs. For example we know that a little one has all eyes and ears on his papa and mama and will mainly imbibe character from how we behave hence we automatically become more careful about the words we use and discard unhealthy behavior just so that they don't learn it from us. This in a way makes us better people and lets our child learn things on his own without imposing our thoughts on them.

You often have to listen to things like "he is not going to sit on his booster chair after he's one!", "why do you want to keep him restricted in a car seat?", " poor baby is made to sleep in his bed alone". So in those situations just pat on your back and tell yourself that you are doing a good job and I'm sure you little one will prove you right at every stage of their life.

Friday, 9 October 2015

The Chained Mama Bear!

So as we all know motherhood is a dicey thing, it brings out some of our emotions that we did not even know existed in us, like the fiery mama bear whom we try hard to keep chained so that you do not just pounce on someone, you wake up 15 times at night for 3 months on a row and still act sane, multitask ( I think I really don't have to give examples here). So after all this efforts from our end there are these moments when a couple of questions that really make me question the sanity of the person asking me those. So here are a couple of phrases and questions i have been hearing the past 11 months with the answers I wish I could just smash on their faces right then but then we are social animals you see.

Well wisher: Why is your baby crying??
Me : Won't it be better if you can ask him personally?

Well wisher: Your baby looks just (or rather ONLY) like his father!!! He in fact sleeps, eats, smiles, stands, sits like his father.
Me: Oh yes! We forgot to tell you that my genes were not involved in his production, I was just the child bearer.

Well wisher: Your baby is hungry, feed him!! Your baby is sleepy, put him to sleep!!!
Me: This really makes me let loose the mama bear as I cannot stand someone acting like they know my baby better than me.

Well wisher: So when are you planning to resume work?
Me: Do I really look like I'm jobless now?!

Well wisher: Oh my God! Baby had such a nice long nose like his dad when he was born, you should have massaged it regularly, see how shapeless it has become now!
Me: *Facepalm*

Well wisher: You should start sending your baby to nursery soon or else he wouldn't learn sharing, caring, talking, social skills.
Me: I can bet that the initial 2-2.5 years I can teach him better values in life than a nursery where he's one among many kids, My baby loves meeting people, co plays with kids, even knows sharing, probably much more than you.

Well wisher to my baby: See Papa and Mama are eating all tasty stuff and giving you all these..such a pity!
Me: You have no clue how much time I spend altering recipes in my mind so that I would satisfy his taste buds. He eats chicken, fish, walnuts, dates on a regular basis or rather you name it he has had a taste of whatever we eat except all the not-so-healthy stuff. So please stay away from his eating habits, we are spending enough time and effort on it!

Well wisher: Your baby is so calm and happy all the time, it would be so easy for you to look after him.
Me: Yes, he's always nice to strangers only we get to see his dark side.

Friday, 4 September 2015

10 months flew by!

So like the blink of an eye..err okay it was not that easy but then yes it has been 10 months since I stepped into mammahood. Our 51cm baby has crossed 75 cm now (paternal genes you see), toothless smile to the 6-teeth naughty grin, crawling all over the house within seconds and trying to stand holding onto all the not-so-baby-friendly stuff in the house, opening cupboards, banging on glass, telling long stories with the 3 letter vocabulary that he has expertise on..the list goes on or rather it is now that I realise how powerful our sensory organs are at working simultaneously :)
Besides all the usual cribbing about dirty diapers, sleepless nights, cranky baby, shabby house, we have started realising that there is so much more to it. That connect we feel when he responds to our emotions, the twinkle in his eyes when he looks at us before he does something mischievous,  those tight hugs and nibbles on the cheek, clinging on to us when he fears separation, how he crawls towards us when in joy or needs comfort is something beyond all the efforts we put in.
Sometimes Sooraj and myself just sit and watch him smile at us and we smile at each other, which is in a way complimenting ourselves for our efforts and little sacrifices.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Pregnancy and the extra pounds of LOVE!

The moment I came to know that I was pregnant, i was overjoyed because it was indeed a happy news! I guess I was not matured enough to be happy about a life growing within me because there was no bump and no movement inside my tummy yet, but then I was definitely excited about the midnight cravings!! It was more like I just got a license to hog on whatever I wish for and yes I did make maximum use of those 10 months :D Once the bump came out and baby started practicing martial arts inside me I was happier. Not fitting into old clothes was something that amused me, thinking it was a usual happening during pregnancy.
After our son was born, there were guests  pouring in, most of whom were strangers for me but there was this one comment that came in common from many of them "Ohh you have put on so much weight!!" Initially I just did not give much of an importance to it but time and again I kept hearing it especially from aunties (who were definitely not in great shape I would say). There were instances I got so annoyed that i refused to hand over my baby to them..instances where I wanted to ask them if in their generation ladies lost weight when they got pregnant..instances where i got hurt, hurt because I was still healing from the mental trauma of a 10 hour long delivery, from the pain of stitches that were not letting me even to sit and trying hard to fit into this new title MOM. Of all these the so called visitors were more concerned about the weight I have gained than having a look at our darling baby.
After 3 months, once I came back to Bangalore it was more of juggling cooking and baby and husband and household chores that I really didn't have time to think of those visitors and their comments but somewhere in my sub conscious mind it was still there i suppose. Following 4 months were more of baby centric, i feel earlier the only thing to think of was what dessert to have after lunch but then now I find myself thinking about baby's sleep, food, play time and it just goes on! A bit of yoga here and there, which helped me in 3 ways - lose weight, soothe my sciatica and entertainment for the little one and I was mostly accompanied by a mimicking baby, slight cut down on sugar (oh yes! It was indeed tough for the chocoholic me where I even had to warn my husband not to bake cakes anymore!! ;)), carrying our big bundle of joy around which in a way helped me with my dumbell workout :)..all these put together helped me in getting back to shape or rather shed 24.5 kgs in 8 months!!
When i go shopping when the sales person directs me to a section of clothes which is 2-3 sizes smaller, I have this evil grin on my face thanking all those people and their comments for making it possible, yes i have not forgotten any of their faces either! So here I am, a happy wife and a happier mom :)

Friday, 5 June 2015

Son- Time for some gyan!

Becoming parents wasn't an easy decision for us. There were opinions, good and bad, from everywhere around us - about the sacrifices we will have to make, the things that we will miss, the things that will freak us out. But then after a lot of thought we really wanted to bring a part of us to this world and impart, not impose, what we learnt together.  So baby, when I look back there are many things I want to tell you, things that we came across, things we heard from friends and family, things we realised as husband and wife.

Believe in yourself:
Never ever compare yourself with anyone around you. Everyone is unique in their own way and you do not have to do something because people around you do it.

Respect everyone:
Earlier we were familiar with the phrase "respect your elders" but then despite of your age everyone has their own individuality which i feel deserves respect.

Chase your dreams:
Never let others take control of your life, do what your mind says. Like what your dad keeps saying "You are only going to regret the things that you did not try doing than the ones you tried and failed."

There is no "right" and "wrong":
Everyone is different so something that you feel is right may not be right for another person. Its only our perception that creates right and wrong so do not try to impose things that you feel is right on others and do not let anyone else teach you what is right and what is wrong. The only thing that exists is the basic ethics, following which will only help you become a better individual.

Skin tone is just a colour:
There will be people around you with different skin colors - fair, dusky, dark, that is something that people are born with and it does not have anything to do with their behaviour. Good and bad lies in their hearts and not in the color of their skin.

The existence of God:
We believe in the fact that there is some supreme power that has control over the world and we call it God. We do not believe in physical forms of god or in religion or caste. We are giving you the freedom to explore and conclude and it is up to you to decide if god exists.

So live your life your way, follow your passion, let not failure eat up your spirit. Remember we are here to fight with you and also to fight for you!

Monday, 18 May 2015

The Scary Obsession

When I was a kid, I always associated beauty with something positive and thought everyone was beautiful in their own way. When I grew older, this belief never changed, be it the school that I went to, the bunch of friends that I had and my lovely family, everyone made me feel that I was unique in my own way.

Later on when I started meeting new people, I realised that beauty was so much different from what I thought to be. For a majority of the society, the concept of beauty is still narrowed down to just fair complexion and flawless skin. There was a phase when even I was devoured by this scary obsession which made me insecure and in fact made me scared to be in my own skin. Micro dermabration, derma roller, chemical peels and I started associating beauty with "pain", I started believing that to be beautiful you have to undergo pain and at the end you don't feel beautiful, you just get tired of not being you.

That's when someone shared this with me "In a country where 90% of people are dark it is sad that we grow up with such inferiority complex about it" (*Nandita Das) which made me realise its the obsession that is wrong and not you. We all grow up hearing that "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" but now I really don't agree with it, beauty lies within you, beauty lies within everyone irrespective of your skin tone. Like how they say in kung fun panda "To make something special, you just have to believe it's special."

It doesn't really end there, you go through the same cycle once your baby is born too. I had to listen to people say that our little boy didn't get his dad's fair complexion (oh yes we had a moment of silence for the lost "fair skin legacy" :)),  was asked to use oil with turmeric in it so that our darling will get a fair complexion, when I acted oblivious to all this I finally heard "at least it is OK as it's a baby boy, what would you have done if it was a baby girl without a fair complexion?!!"

Next time someone comments about your skin tone or your baby's, don't think twice, just eat them up or let loose the mama bear in you! :)

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

The 40-week long journey and beyond :)

And the time came to give up Chinese food and think twice "does this have pappaya or pineapple" before I hog on a spend time infront of the mirror, not to check for a flat tummy but to scream out "the BUMP is finally here"!! wake up at 3 am and think and decide what to crave stay up late waiting for that wiggle or punch or a kick ;) pregnant!! Errr or rather we are pregnant ;) :D :D
As people say 9 months weren't a bed of roses..there were times I hardly got out of the bathroom as I was throwing up like 20 times a day (yeah that was an exaggeration though :P) and then came the phase were my anti-nausea tablets turned me into a zombie..and then I had my nostrils sensitive like that of a blood hound and had to literally use nose plugs to stay away from smells which were once my favourite :)
But then it wasn't a period of utter struggle everything else does, even this phase passed and the excitement of the kicking and punching, the feeling of a life growing within me overpowered the miseries of back ache, bulging tummy, not able to lie on my stomach and getting up to pee 10 times at night ;)
Finally our little champ decided to put an end to our 40-week long wait on 31-Oct-2014..and yes, delivering a baby wasn't easy. The pain, the 9.5 hours of struggle to bring out a part of us was indeed a life and death kind of experience but the moment baby pops out and you are shown that little bundle of life which you just created...ahh you almost feel like you are God!! :D
Then comes looking for the various milestones..smiling, rolling over, holding stuff and on and on..6 months and we are beaming with happiness to have agu around!! cheers to parenting and wishing ourselves to be super dad and super mom in the long run :D

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Officially jobless :)

Yes..I'm officially unemployed from tomorrow or rather this evening..unlike previous occasions when I resigned (yeah I have already resigned 4 times ;)) this time for a change I'm gonna be unemployed with a 24*7 job..our big bundle of joy who is 5 months old and a toothless smile now :D
When I walked out of my office today there was indeed a sigh of mixed feelings..I will miss multitasking - babysitting, work and cook..will miss walking around the house with baby on one hand and laptop on the other..will miss those moments when my brain gets overloaded with stuff to do and I act like a zombie..times when I sneak to sit n work once he sleeps :) and yes I am sure I will enjoy a lot more free time with baby..those short naps I can pamper myself with, when he sleeps and a lot less stress for myself :D. Wishing myself a happy funfilled mammahood!! :D

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

The Ugly Truth!

It is in fact true that there is a sadist in all of us..though we dont get to see that part every now n then, it still resides within a deep corner and shows up once in a while affirming their very presence in there. Sometimes we just ignore it..sometimes we try to act as if we r unaware of its existence and sometimes we find solace in it :)

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Introducing "MOMMY ME"!!

The cravings..waiting for a kick or a punch or a wiggle..the pain..sleepless nights..I realised it was all worth it!

And I too slipped and fell into mommyhood...n the result surprised me *yes im all smiles* :) :) :)